After so many months, I thought it was time to shake the dust off this blog and start writing again.
And coincidentally, I was also doing some spring cleaning a couple of weeks back…you know…Chinese New Year. Yes, that once a year where you feel compelled to give your house a thorough cleaning, chucking out all the mess that you’ve accumulated for the past 360 days, though why one should suddenly feel they are junk just 5 days before Chinese New Year after having lived with them in close comfort for the past 360 days before is a puzzle to me.
Back to my story, my aunt was clearing out the cupboards and took out a couple of boxes and dumped them infront of me….telling me in no uncertain terms that I was to go through them and preferably throw them out.
I took a peek….and found that one of them contained the many letters and cards that I’ve kept since I was young.
If you’re around my age, you would remember that once upon a time, people send out cards for all occassions and no occassions. Internet and handphone were non-existent then. Of course, in the last few years, less and less people (me included) send out cards because well….choosing, buying, writing and sending out cards take time….something which we tend to have less of nowadays (though my excuse is that I’m saving the tress ^^). But I must say cards are still special..unless they are cards from your insurance agents.
Anyway, whilst going through the box of cards and letters…I came across a very nice Valentine’s Day card. Opening the card, I saw the short message written in it, telling me how it was love at first sight for him, how pretty I was and ended with a wish from him that I would be his valentine. I found a couple more cards from him…all very big, nice and mushy and all probably costing a bomb.
The cards brought a puzzled smile to my face.
A smile because it was nice to remember the days of young – of being wooed and ‘chased’ and ‘desired’.
Puzzled because I have absolutely no recollection who ‘Ian’ was, which was this said admirer’s name.
Now before you start thinking I had a whole army of suitors in my days of young, I assured you I didn’t..though I did have a few ‘ahem!’ admirers (hubby..are you reading this?). But I do remember all the guys I went out with..at least their names anyway…even if I can’t really remember their faces now.
But the name ‘Ian’ drew a blank. Zilch. Zero.
After thinking long and hard, I think I can hazard a guess who he might be, but I’m still not absolutely sure. And yet, he must have made an impact on me or I wouldn’t have kept his cards all these years right? So why don’t I remember him? And did I even ever go out on a date with him? If it’s who I think he was, I think we had a couple of dinners or lunches or teas…
But you know what would be really interesting?
Would he remember me? Maybe not (X.. who? Never heard of her).
Many people talk about their puppy love or first love with mucht nostalgic warmth. But in reality, many do not really remember much about it. The other day, the DJs on this morning show was asking if listeners remembered their firt kiss…and guess what, most could not remember where or when (well, they have a rough time frame but no exact date).
Me? I can’t even remember how it felt. Oops.
It’s not that all those past relationships weren’t important…they were..at that point in my life…from the first time I went out with a guy…to the first time when I fell in love…to the first time a guy broke my heart into a thousand pieces. They were all part of my life and helped to make my life interesting and what I am today BUT I am more happy and concerned about the present and now.
Sometime last year, I met up with a Korean and she told me something rather interesting. For those of you who watch Korean dramas, you would know that they are mostly filled with themes of finding first love or still being in love with the first love or something like that. Very romantic (which of course is a huge reason for it’s popularity amongst women, the fact that the leading men are droolicious is a plus point of course). Anyway, I asked her out of curiousity if first love is really that important to the Koreans (since dramas tend to mirror life) and she said yes…and in fact she herself would like to find/ know about her first love. Hmmm…
I told her I have absolutely no desire to find my first love, or my second love…in fact any of my past love. Of course, if any of my past loves had looked like Bae Yong Joon or Takeshi Kaneshiro or Daniel Craig, I would be be dying to find them. But then if any of my past loves looked like any of the 3 above guys above, I would still be hanging on to them now. Wahahaha!
I prefer the present and the future…the past, whether good or bad, are great memories but I don’t dwell too much on them. Because the now will become past one day and I want to enjoy it now. The fact that I can’t even remember who this great admirer, Ian is, despite keeping his cards all these years is a good case in point.
Should I keep Ian’s cards?
Perhaps I will keep just one…just for memories’ sake….or until I can solve the mystery of just who this Ian is. ^^
Are you keeping your spring love?